Who got a bikini??

Who in the world do I think I am, buying a goddamn bikini?

Well....... I posted on facebook that I was wearing Jacqueline's bathing suit that she sent me, when I went hot tubbing with Toni.

It's not always easy to hot tub with Toni. She's a size ZERO (sometimes a two.......) and has about the perfect body. Yeah, yeah, yeah...... she went and bought herself a set of D's. Good for her, I say.  :)

ANYWAY..........

Jac's bathing suit, cute as it is, is either a size 18 or 20. I put it on after not having worn a suit in a while..... and realized it was just holding on to me. It was quite big, but not SO big that I couldn't wear it.

So I went skipping next door, with a bottle of Two Three Buck Chuck under my arm. I hopped in the tub, and the bathing suit FILLED with air, and the next thing you know...... I'm wrestling with the suit! I had to do a tuck/roll a few times to keep the suit from taking me down to the depths below.

After a good laugh (and thorough slaughter of that bottle of Chuck) I went home and reported that the suit is going to have to join the "Sisterhood of the Traveling Clothes" I'll be putting a bunch of pix up soon of items that need a new home. Hopefully, there's some newer bandster's out there! :)

So.... I go to Walmart, and hit the bathing suit section (hoping that there was one) and saw that they had boring, lame-o, old lady one piece suits, and a handful of OP brand, cutsie tootsie bikini's that even Toni couldn't wear (who ARE these aimed at?? Tweens? If I had little girl, she would not be wearing any of those tag with a pieces of string bathing suits!!)

Then...... I found this gem. I got a size XL top (because of my size XL proportions. I might be a size 34 now, but I'm a solid 34DDD....... my husband is one lucky guy!) and an XL bottom, because I'm certainly the poster child for  the "Fat Bottomed Girls" anthem.

If these pix end up on an uglypeople.com website, I have a very specific set of skills that make someone like me a nightmare for someone like you. and I will hunt you down, I WILL find you and I will kill you. (just kidding..... that's my impersonation of the seriously hot Liam Neeson in "Taken".... did I scare you?) But here's me asking nice not to lift these pix off my blog. Please and thank you ;)

AND...... while we're at it, I promised pix of my arms, and my tummy, since they'll be leaving this body in a mere 3-1/2 months.

That last arm picture has my arm turned, so you can see the "line" where they're going to cut. I'm going to have fairly thin arms once all this other stuff is taken off. Crazy, right?

And...... finally, here's the tummy. It doesn't look as bad as it is in the pictures (or maybe it does? I have such a distorted sense of body STILL, that I have no clue) The bathing suit does a nice job of hiding stuff, but the bend over shot shows pretty well that that stuff is saggy. I'll be losing that tattoo that you can see on that first picture (left hip) 

Next year will be the lower body lift and thigh lift. Which is a good thing, because I was doing the Kim Kardashian Amazing Abs Body Sculpt on Exercise.TV on OnDemand on Comcast (which rocks BTW....... if you have Comcast Digital Cable, go to OnDemand, and then Sports/Fitness, and then Exercise TV, and there's TONS of workouts.... love anything Jennifer Galardi does!)

So...... when I was doing that workout.... the end of that workout is "Plank" which I guess is a Yoga move. So I'm in plank, and I'm looking down at my legs, and it's a total experiment in gravity. Freaky, weird, and just plain wrong!

Hey....... there's 33 of you now! Readers, that is! I feel genuinely blessed that anyone at ALL reads this little blog. Welcome, welcome, welcome!