Who got a bikini??

Who in the world do I think I am, buying a goddamn bikini?

Well....... I posted on facebook that I was wearing Jacqueline's bathing suit that she sent me, when I went hot tubbing with Toni.

It's not always easy to hot tub with Toni. She's a size ZERO (sometimes a two.......) and has about the perfect body. Yeah, yeah, yeah...... she went and bought herself a set of D's. Good for her, I say.  :)

ANYWAY..........

Jac's bathing suit, cute as it is, is either a size 18 or 20. I put it on after not having worn a suit in a while..... and realized it was just holding on to me. It was quite big, but not SO big that I couldn't wear it.

So I went skipping next door, with a bottle of Two Three Buck Chuck under my arm. I hopped in the tub, and the bathing suit FILLED with air, and the next thing you know...... I'm wrestling with the suit! I had to do a tuck/roll a few times to keep the suit from taking me down to the depths below.

After a good laugh (and thorough slaughter of that bottle of Chuck) I went home and reported that the suit is going to have to join the "Sisterhood of the Traveling Clothes" I'll be putting a bunch of pix up soon of items that need a new home. Hopefully, there's some newer bandster's out there! :)

So.... I go to Walmart, and hit the bathing suit section (hoping that there was one) and saw that they had boring, lame-o, old lady one piece suits, and a handful of OP brand, cutsie tootsie bikini's that even Toni couldn't wear (who ARE these aimed at?? Tweens? If I had little girl, she would not be wearing any of those tag with a pieces of string bathing suits!!)

Then...... I found this gem. I got a size XL top (because of my size XL proportions. I might be a size 34 now, but I'm a solid 34DDD....... my husband is one lucky guy!) and an XL bottom, because I'm certainly the poster child for  the "Fat Bottomed Girls" anthem.

If these pix end up on an uglypeople.com website, I have a very specific set of skills that make someone like me a nightmare for someone like you. and I will hunt you down, I WILL find you and I will kill you. (just kidding..... that's my impersonation of the seriously hot Liam Neeson in "Taken".... did I scare you?) But here's me asking nice not to lift these pix off my blog. Please and thank you ;)

AND...... while we're at it, I promised pix of my arms, and my tummy, since they'll be leaving this body in a mere 3-1/2 months.

That last arm picture has my arm turned, so you can see the "line" where they're going to cut. I'm going to have fairly thin arms once all this other stuff is taken off. Crazy, right?

And...... finally, here's the tummy. It doesn't look as bad as it is in the pictures (or maybe it does? I have such a distorted sense of body STILL, that I have no clue) The bathing suit does a nice job of hiding stuff, but the bend over shot shows pretty well that that stuff is saggy. I'll be losing that tattoo that you can see on that first picture (left hip) 

Next year will be the lower body lift and thigh lift. Which is a good thing, because I was doing the Kim Kardashian Amazing Abs Body Sculpt on Exercise.TV on OnDemand on Comcast (which rocks BTW....... if you have Comcast Digital Cable, go to OnDemand, and then Sports/Fitness, and then Exercise TV, and there's TONS of workouts.... love anything Jennifer Galardi does!)

So...... when I was doing that workout.... the end of that workout is "Plank" which I guess is a Yoga move. So I'm in plank, and I'm looking down at my legs, and it's a total experiment in gravity. Freaky, weird, and just plain wrong!

Hey....... there's 33 of you now! Readers, that is! I feel genuinely blessed that anyone at ALL reads this little blog. Welcome, welcome, welcome! 

Save the date.......

You are cordially invited

to witness the loving separation 

of

Karen 

and 

her wobbly bits

on Friday the 17th day of June, 2011

from 7:00am - 3:00pm

in the surgical suite

Performed by:

Dr. Daniela Rodriguez

Refreshments being served:

liquid Vicodin

Morphine, via pump

assorted antibiotics

Act One:

Excisement of "flying squirrel" arms

Act Two:

Hoisting up the girls... no air bags needed!

Chorus will sing "I lift my eyes to you, world!"

Act Three:

Tightening of six-pack, 

including:

a sad adieu to 

"chat assis sur la lune" or

Cat sitting on the moon,

body art, circa 1995

added bonus:

Vag Lift

That is correct, I said Vag Lift. Cuz, apparently, I need one. My goodness. Who knew?

I will be sharing pix, so if you're afraid of wobbly bits, or saggies that go bump in the night, you may want to leave this little-bitty corner of the world for a while, as I don't want to offend :)

But...... if you're ready for the pix.... I'm ready to start taking them! I will have hubby take some this weekend.

So now.... I must get myself a few tickers, because I would also like to be exactly 175.5 on the day of surgery. Sayin' it out loud!

Doctor said she likes people within 20 pounds of their goal weight, and I'm there now, but I'd like to be ON THE MONEY, so to speak.

I have 127 days to lose exactly 21.3 pounds

That's 18 weeks, and therefore, I need to lose 1.16 pounds/week to make this goal

OK.... it's out there. 1.16 pounds/week or BETTER

Now... I do need an opinion: Do I do crazy workouts, to separate further fat from muscle...... or...... do I tone like crazy? Which to do?

In summary:

I'm scheduled in June for arm lift, boob lift, tummy tuck with muscle tightening (oh, and low-profile port modification)

I want to lose an additional 21.3 pounds before scheduled surgery.

Cost?

$17K on the nose

Insurance: You're kidding me, right? Not a dime.

18 month Bandiversary!

Today is my 18 month bandiversary, and apparently, to properly celebrate, one must invite Aunt Flo. UGH.

So, because she arrived this morning all bloaty and crabby, I am using yesterday's measures and weights.

Measures...... I have now lost more than 70" off this body! I measure my neck, bust, under bust, waist, hip, one thigh, one calf, one ankle, one bicep, and one wrist.

AND..... scale #3, the cruelest, yet probably the scale most deeply rooted in reality, said 196.8

So, on my 18 month bandiversary, I can excitedly claim "I've lost 178.7 pounds!"

I have 21.3 pounds left to lose to claim 200 pounds lost.

My BMI is current 31.8

In order to only "overweight" I need to weigh 185

So, that's my mini-goal. My long-term goal is still 175.5

In order to be "regular" weight, I need to weigh 154. I'm not sure that's realistic, or do-able. But, we'll see, I still plan on being as close to 175.5 as possible before I have all this surgery.

Tomorrow I go and see Dr. Daniella Rodriguez for a consult. I've heard great things about her, and my cousin's neighbor had a breast reduction (lift too? not sure) and was thrilled. But what brought me to her was my OB/GYN, who said she's seen a lot of her work, and that it all looks really great. My OB is just a wonderful gal, love her, love her, LOVE her! I tend to get chummy with doctors, if only just to make it so I don't "get lost in a sea of vaginas" so to speak. Doctors (in my opinion) tend to take greater care of patients who are real, are full of life, and make everyone in the office laugh. I've never lost that "fat girl funny" vibe.... now I'm just "curvy girl funny" :)

OK...... making wine with hubby! Gotta run :) Will talk about my consult tomorrow!