Saturday, November 28, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I don't mind telling my mom, my husband, my BFF how much weight I've lost, but I don't like telling colleagues, my BFF's parents, my cousins, neighbors, etc. And they KEEP asking.
I've lost/gained 50-80 pounds quite a few times, and when people start talking to me about my weight loss, I start to get uncomfortable with the conversation, and I generally start gaining weight again..... which then stops all the conversation. But now, it's different. It's not going to happen, so I need to figure out how to know in my heart (like I know in my head) that I am not responsible to other people for my weight... I am only responsible to myself. I guess that was part of the problem, was that when I said "I've lost 60 pounds" it made me feel accountable to who I was telling that number to, and I couldn't handle the pressure.
Recently, though, I feel like I've been weighed/measured/evaluated when people ask me how much weight I've lost. I don't like being represented by a number, but it's the question that I get the most, and I'm having a heck of a time trying to figure out how to answer it.
When I do answer "I've lost 60 pounds" the next question is "How much more do you want to lose?" It keeps going around and around, and by the time that I can rip myself from the conversation, I just want to dive into a vat of ice cream.
So my question is this..... does answering the question like this come off as a lie? :
I honestly don't know how much I've lost. I used to be a slave to the scale, and in the end, it was always my demise, and I'd gain back all the weight I've lost. So now, I'm just trying to be healthy, and I'll know once I get to where I'm healthiest what my weight is.
Or do I just say something like "I really don't like to talk about numbers"
I honestly never thought that one of the biggest struggles I'd have during this journey is with answering questions that I think are prying.
I might be a little sensitive to it as well.... being a mother of triplets, the questions/comments when they were babies were incredible! I can't tell you how many times a complete stranger would walk up to me and say "wow... triplets! If it were me, I'd kill myself"
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
I got this questionnaire off of Jacqueline's blog
1. How long have you been banded? Got banded on August 6, 2009..... so 3 months and 1-1/2 weeks
2. What was your highest pre-band weight? / Current weight now? / Total lost to date? 375.5/280.2/95.3... but I don't count from 375.5, since I didn't hit that in 2009. I was 365 at my highest this year, so I count from that number, putting me at 85 pounds lost.
3. What is your best "go-to" food to get in your protein? Cottage Cheese or Low-Carb Yogurt (thank you Kroger for making CarbMaster Yogurt!)
4. What is your favorite protein brand/shake? Atkins Chocolate... quick and easy
5. What food do you miss the most being post-band? Bagels, soda
6. What is your favorite "mushy" food? Cottage Cheese
7. What is your worst PB experience? I got banded the day before Halloween, and I wasn't thinking, and the evening of Halloween, my kids brought home a snack size bag of Sun Chips. I ate the bag without thinking about it, and then it all got jammed. I slimed for an HOUR.... and I was in AGONY. I am not able to PB/vomit because of the fundoplication (as it stands now..... not sure what the future brings) so with a hiccup, it finally went down!
8. What has been the hardest part of this journey so far for you? The daily dedication to eating clean. Sometimes, I just want to eat a bagel smeared with butter..... and eat it as fast as I want to. That certainly can't happen now. I don't really mourn foods, however, since I can have most things if I chew really well.
9. What is your best NSV to date? It all has to do with seating. Most booths, movie theater seats, and chairs with arms were too tight for me. I used to have to put the armrest up at the movie theater. Petey and I went to the movies a few weeks ago, and I plopped right in the chair, with my heavy pea-coat on, without thinking about it. I *totally* fit! I still "size-up" chairs, and think "no way".... but I always fit now!
10. What is your top non-weight goal for your band (top NSV maybe?) Getting off this DAMN blood pressure medication! It's the only prescription medication I'm on, and it bugs the SHIT out of me!
11. What is your goal weight or size? Jeepers, that's hard to say. I would LOVE to get back into a size 14. I wore a size 9 (once) I would be VERY happy being a 10/12.
12. What band "rule" do you live by (i.e. don't cheat on?) VERY begrudgingly, I haven't had any type of soda, or any other carbonated beverage, since the band went on. I did try to take a sip a few weeks ago, but the bubbles were too much for me. It will stretch my pouch, so I've sworn it off. I miss it..... but now I make yummy green tea, and have a new supplier of my teas: Teavana Love their Peach Blossom herbal tea!
13. What band "rule" do you not follow as much or aren't so good at? Eating slowly. I've always been a fast eater, and I tend to get "reminders" from my band that I'm eating too quickly (like a small PB episode.... it hurts... like something is getting stuck, and then it goes down) I really need to slow down!!! Also.... I still am able to eat about 2 cups of food at any given time. I would like to see that go down a bit! If I slow down, I know I would eat less!
14. What is your goal "reward"? Not sure... probably plastic surgery! My arms are already HORRIFIC!! Wobble, wobble!
15. In the spirit of Thanksgiving being right around the corner (US), what are you most thankful for, post-band? Getting my energy back! Now I sprint up the stairs, when pre-band, I got to the top of the stairs while trying to catch my breath! All this energy is getting all the housework, errands, chores, regular paying work, etc., done, and with energy to spare! I can't wait until Christmas..... we got a Wii Fit for the kids (something about a game they wanted....... snowboarding) but I am going to use it for the yoga program! I'm looking forward to getting into some yoga! I might even join the gym near me! OMG! I would NEVER have said that before! WOW!