Wow.....

Purple Top!

So, I spoke of this top a week or so ago, and was pleased as punch that it fits again! Because I'm so in love with this top, some of you caught on to my zealousness, and asked for a photo...... with no further adieu.....

New goal

OK...... so I've passed my goal of 318, and I promise, that I will take a picture with that gorgeous purple top of mine, and post it here!! I love that top!

I have to apologize for not being around too much for the last week. It truly has been "......and all that it implies" kind of week! I'm still buried in work from clients that got nervous that I took TWO WHOLE DAYS off. I love owning my own business, and having only myself to answer to, however.... clients still drive the work, and obviously pay for it, so I need to stay accountable to myself, and to them, and I'm still trying to play catch-up with all the work! I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I should be caught up completely by this Friday.

Add to that the boys start school in 13 days. We had to go to the school to get their classroom assignments, since the school decided it couldn't pay all that postage this year. Tightening of the belt! So, we all went to school, and we had to go with friends, and it ended up being a 4 hour adventure, including an hour at the playground, and 1-1/2 hours at our local Tim Hortons, watching the kids pull the wings off of a yellow jacket that got stuck inside the building. Normally, my inner PETA would come out, and say "no" to abuse of yellow jackets. BUT.... both L and M got stung within 10 minutes of being outside one day last week. 10 minutes! No exaggeration! So... I must say, I wasn't feeling particularly guilty about one of their brethren getting accosted by an 8 year old girl, while a gaggle of 9 year old boys cheered her on :)

Back to goals.... My new goal is 308. This number comes via a memory I have of living in our last house, and wanting to get a $1m life insurance policy on myself, in case anything happened. See... my husband is one of those "artists"..... very eccentric, very intelligent, very NOT interested in $$, how it works, why it works, how it magically converts into groceries with the wave of the ATM card, etc. So, in order to assure that I wouldn't have to be raised from the dead in order to KEEP the control I have over the house, I figured $1m could certainly hire a nanny or 10 to come and help him do my job. Plus, he'd be able to leave his job, because in my will, I'd insist on a financial counselor to deal with the $$. ANYWAY..... long story longer... 308 was my weight when they DENIED my insurance. It was a set-back, and I did find a different way to get a different policy, but I still remember that number.... and coming from 362 (actually... a high of 375... I hit it once, and then promptly went back into the 360's) I still want to see that number come...... and GO.

Yesterday I weighed in at 311.2, but today is 312.2, so that is what I am using for my number today. I have lost 49.8 pounds. Almost the big 5 oh!

OK...... have to deal with the boys, they have a friend over, and somehow, 4 boys seems like 10 when they're being... well......... BOYS.

13 days....... Xanax will take me to the finish line :)

So close........

I'm afraid to eat!

OK...... I'm supposed to start mushy food today. I was looking forward to it for FIVE weeks.

And, here I sit. With a protein shake in hand, afraid to eat.

I'm ready to try.... but honestly, I'm scared.

closing in

I haven't weighed today as yet...... but yesterday I clocked in at 319.8. I am currently 1.8 pounds away from goal.

I must admit, I'm having a psychological aspect to this that I wasn't expecting, and I'm mourning my "old self" a bit. Not sure why. I suppose it's where I've been for so long, that anything different is new and unexplored?

When I hop on the scale, and I see my numbers moving down, it's a triumph, but it's bittersweet. I need to get over this melancholia and embrace the new me with all the zeal and gusto that I can muster.

How odd that I am holding on to an unhealthy me. Perhaps it's the "role" that I may miss, rather than the person? By "role"... I mean the person that I made myself become in order to embrace life the way I wanted to. I was the "big girl" no doubt.... but I was also the "go getter" "the determined one" "the strong one" the "leader" I was the advice-giver, the one with both feet planted firmly on the ground, the smart one, the one who had all the answers, the one who didn't hold back, the one who was honest but never hurtful. I was everything to everyone.

I'm thinking I now have to be everything to ME.

small goals

I think I need to set myself small goals along the way of this LB journey of mine, so I can keep my nose to the grindstone for the long term.

I am currently 321.6

My goal is 318

Why 318 is important: I have a beautiful purple top that I bought on ebay. It's from a manufacturer in India. I bought a size 3X, thinking it would fit, and it DIDN'T. I'm not sure what I weighed at the time, probably 340-360, where I've sat for the last 6-7 years. I've dieted down to 298 twice in the past few years, and during that time, I realized that the gorgeous purple top fits me at 318. I wore it to my son's 7th birthday party, and remember exactly how much I weighed that day. So... to wear the purple top again would be wonderful!

Mini-Goal amount to lose: 3.6 pounds!

That's right!

5 days post-op

I must say, I've heard a lot of different descriptions of post-op for Lap Band, including likening it to a c-section.

I had the MOTHA of all c-sections, and I must completely disagree. This Lap Band recovery, thus far, has been a walk in the park! I've been able to burp/toot without any problems.... I'm feeling almost 100% at this point, and just get reminded when I'm sleeping and roll over that my abdomen is still a little sore.

I'm back to work, and able to sit at my desk and do my thing without issue!

AND.... I'm now down 38 pounds! Woot Woot!

38.... and feeling good!

Tomorrow is the big day!

Tomorrow morning, at 6:15am, my mom and I are driving to the big D, and getting checked in for surgery. Check-in is at 7:30, surgery is at 9:30am.

I'm excited.... nervous..... anxious.

All emotions.

I'm looking forward to getting it over with, and on with the recovery, actually!

As soon as I'm able, I'll post :)

34

that's right...... 34!!

32 hours, 37 minutes..... but who's counting?

I leave here on Thursday morning, at 5:00am, to arrive at Harper Hospital at 6am for check-in. My surgery is scheduled for 7:30am. I am the first one slotted for that day, so hopefully, that means, I don't get delayed by other people having surgery that day!!

I'm about a 50/50 mix of excited and nervous. Which only means that everyone I see from now until they put me under anethesia will be hearing me incessantly talking. I'm a nervous talker. But.... thankfully, when I'm that nervous, I also think on my feet, so I'm DAMN funny too. Hey... I have a horn to toot, I'm gonna toot it! :)

I've been scouring over lapbanktalk.com and watching other ppl who are getting banded before me, and seeing how they're doing..... so far only one has reported back. She got banded today, and is back on the computer tonight. A good sign.

I need to go and write the "blanket" e-mail to all my clients that I'm actually taking 4 days off (gasp, choke) which I haven't done since I started this business, in December 2007.

Who wants to bet my desk is going to be PILED high tomorrow, with all those last minute requests??

For those who don't know me...... I'm a graphic designer. I run my own studio, and have a short list of clients that I certainly try to take the utmost care of. Perhaps they're spoiled.... but then again, so am I. I couldn't ask for a better group of people to work with, and they all pay me on time, without question. I've only ever had to "fire" one client since starting up on my own... but being spoiled, and being spoiled rotten are different things. That client called me at 1:00am 10 too many times. And then quibbled about my pricing. And my hours!! Really?? Really??! So, when the big job was over, the next time they called, I said "I'm sorry, I'm so busy, I can't dedicate the time I need to for your project, and I refuse to do anything less than 120% for you..." They were left flabbergasted. They can go back to Elance and get themselves someone who will work for $1.50/hr. :)

Back to ME..... nervous, excited, agitated, frustrated.... and having a general feeling of "let's get this rolling already!".....

BTW.... I need to pre-pay $6,000 for the part my insurance won't cover. My doctor's office took my cc information, do you think they've done it yet? No. Said that they can't get a hold of anyone in the cashiers office at the hospital.

Never in my life have I had such a hard time GIVING someone $6,000.00!

Tomorrow, *I* am going to call the cashier's office at the hospital..... who wants to bet I can get this done within a few minutes tomorrow?

We'll see.

33 Pounds Gone!

32 pounds lost!

I can't claim that I thought of this idea..... but I love it! I am going to put graphic representations of pounds lost here on my blog!!

Today marks 32 pounds lost!!