Monday, August 17, 2009

closing in

I haven't weighed today as yet...... but yesterday I clocked in at 319.8. I am currently 1.8 pounds away from goal.

I must admit, I'm having a psychological aspect to this that I wasn't expecting, and I'm mourning my "old self" a bit. Not sure why. I suppose it's where I've been for so long, that anything different is new and unexplored?

When I hop on the scale, and I see my numbers moving down, it's a triumph, but it's bittersweet. I need to get over this melancholia and embrace the new me with all the zeal and gusto that I can muster.

How odd that I am holding on to an unhealthy me. Perhaps it's the "role" that I may miss, rather than the person? By "role"... I mean the person that I made myself become in order to embrace life the way I wanted to. I was the "big girl" no doubt.... but I was also the "go getter" "the determined one" "the strong one" the "leader" I was the advice-giver, the one with both feet planted firmly on the ground, the smart one, the one who had all the answers, the one who didn't hold back, the one who was honest but never hurtful. I was everything to everyone.

I'm thinking I now have to be everything to ME.

1 comment:

  1. I'm imagining you dancing around in that beautiful top! Congrats Karen, you've worked REALLY hard to get this far.