Weekend ramblings.... NSVs and more

I've had a rough few days.... but want to quickly say, I'm still in control!

On Saturday, I was really hoping for 275 on the scale. Even 275.9 would have been a victory in my book for hitting a mini-goal, but for whatever reason, the scale refused to budge from 276.2. I figured it was .3 pounds, and that not every goal is going to be accomplished according to my mind's timetable.

I got ready for the wedding I was going to, and was surprised to find that although I had tried my dress on a week prior, within that time, and about 3 pounds lost, that my dress was just slightly too big. When I tried it on before, it fit just right. Since it was just slightly too big, I felt good about it. Then I put on my shoes. I wore these shoes (and the dress) at the end of September when I was 305... but now I was nearly 30 pounds less than that at 276. The shoes were too big! WAY TOO BIG! My feet slid forward in them, and my toes were getting mashed up at the front.

See... for as long as I can remember, I've worn a 9 wide. When I was a teenager, I didn't wear wide shoes, I wore a regular size 8-1/2. I put on the shoes, and my toes were killing me.... and I realized why: the shoes were WAY TOO BIG. Too big, too wide. I had to dig through my closet and found a pair of black heels (albeit, way out of style.... chunky heeled platforms) that I haven't been able to wear in FOREVER, because my feet were too wide.

Not anymore! Those shoes fit like Cinderella's slipper! It's a crazy NSV, but I'm glad to be buying "regular width" shoes now instead of "wide"...... the wide shoes, in many stores, are very grandma-looking. So... I had been buying shoes from Sihouettes, since they're stuff is pretty fashionable.

I actually wrote this post a few days ago, and left it in my drafts to work on later, but I've been SO busy with my paying work, that I didn't have time to finish it properly.

I am a graphic designer who owns my own business. Actually, I run my studio out of my house. If any of my friends here need business cards, postcards, flyers, brochures, etc., designed and printed, let me know. I have a FABULOUS printer who's prices are amazing. One of my clients is greatcollegegifts.com, I design posters for both OSU and LSU..... I design custom posters that have the marching band spelling your name (or whatever name you choose) on the field during half time. They're pretty cool for Buckeye and Tiger fans! It's also been keeping me SUPER busy, since it's Christmas season. So if I'm quiet, know that I'm busy, busy, busy scripting posters :)

Stop asking me how much weight I've lost!

I posted this over at lapbanktalk.com, but I'm posting it here as well, since it's currently my biggest struggle.

I am having some fairly serious anxiety with regard to other people mentioning my weight loss. From my highest weight, I am nearly 100 pounds down. But although I feel I can share that with YOU people, I don't like sharing that information with the general population.

I don't mind telling my mom, my husband, my BFF how much weight I've lost, but I don't like telling colleagues, my BFF's parents, my cousins, neighbors, etc. And they KEEP asking.

I've lost/gained 50-80 pounds quite a few times, and when people start talking to me about my weight loss, I start to get uncomfortable with the conversation, and I generally start gaining weight again..... which then stops all the conversation. But now, it's different. It's not going to happen, so I need to figure out how to know in my heart (like I know in my head) that I am not responsible to other people for my weight... I am only responsible to myself. I guess that was part of the problem, was that when I said "I've lost 60 pounds" it made me feel accountable to who I was telling that number to, and I couldn't handle the pressure.

Recently, though, I feel like I've been weighed/measured/evaluated when people ask me how much weight I've lost. I don't like being represented by a number, but it's the question that I get the most, and I'm having a heck of a time trying to figure out how to answer it.

When I do answer "I've lost 60 pounds" the next question is "How much more do you want to lose?" It keeps going around and around, and by the time that I can rip myself from the conversation, I just want to dive into a vat of ice cream.

So my question is this..... does answering the question like this come off as a lie? :

I honestly don't know how much I've lost. I used to be a slave to the scale, and in the end, it was always my demise, and I'd gain back all the weight I've lost. So now, I'm just trying to be healthy, and I'll know once I get to where I'm healthiest what my weight is.

Or do I just say something like "I really don't like to talk about numbers"

I honestly never thought that one of the biggest struggles I'd have during this journey is with answering questions that I think are prying.

I might be a little sensitive to it as well.... being a mother of triplets, the questions/comments when they were babies were incredible! I can't tell you how many times a complete stranger would walk up to me and say "wow... triplets! If it were me, I'd kill myself"

Yup. How does someone respond to that?? Generally.. I'd just say "wow! I guess I should be glad I'm not you then!"

I hit my mini-goal!

I had said that I really wanted to get to 279.... that I remembered hitting that number 2-3 times since I gave birth in 2000.

Yesterday, I rang in at 278.4! I was very happy to see it, since I seemed to have been bouncing between 282-284 for about 3 weeks.

I went for another fill this past Tuesday, and currently have 8.5cc in a 14cc band. I am being EXCEPTIONALLY careful with what I am eating, since things started getting stuck when I was at 7.5cc. I had a very nasty experience with a snack bag of Sun Chips that refused to go down..... or come up. So I sat in AGONY in my bathroom, sliming but never having a PB. I had no idea that a stomach could have contractions (not unlike labor pain, btw!) and it actually had contractions stronger and closer together, until finally, about an hour into this ordeal, I had a big hiccup, and everything was ok again.

The parallel to labor pains was so absolutely, and eerily spot on, that I was in shock! I honestly do NOT want that to happen again. I do have issues with eating too quickly, and need to work on it, because I have had some smaller episodes that give me some (not so gentle) reminders that if I don't slow down and chew everything completely, I am going to be in some serious pain, and it doesn't just last a few minutes.

SO.... back to mini-goals!

My next goal is to get to 275.5. Why this number? Because at my highest, I weighed 375.5. That would be a true 100 pounds loss from my highest weight.

I will post the next FEW mini-goals, just so I can keep my thoughts organized!

275 - I'd really like to hit this by Saturday... going to a wedding, and would like to say I've lost 90 pounds when people ask how much I've lost.

269 - Hit this number back in 2004 when I had stomach flu. Never saw it again since.

262 - The lowest weight I've hit in YEARS. I remember being 262 exactly 3 weeks after giving birth (I had gained 75 pounds with pregnancy.... had pre-eclampsia and gained 50 of that 75 in the last 3 weeks of pregnancy... after giving birth, I lost 80 pounds in 3 weeks.... obviously, ALL water retention from the pre-eclampsia!)

259 - I'd have to say that I haven't seen the 250's since the late 80's, early 90's. I don't remember any "numbers" between 216 - 262 as far as milestones go. I was 216 in 1986, while I was in my first few years of college. I also remember weighing 185 in my Senior Year of High School (I also remember weighing 140 when I was a Sophomore)

249 - Being closer to 200 than 300

Those are the goals that I have for now...... not sure where I'm going..... but I'd certainly like to re-enter Onederland again..... haven't been there since 1986!

Questionnaire

I got this questionnaire off of Jacqueline's blog

1. How long have you been banded? Got banded on August 6, 2009..... so 3 months and 1-1/2 weeks

2. What was your highest pre-band weight? / Current weight now? / Total lost to date? 375.5/280.2/95.3... but I don't count from 375.5, since I didn't hit that in 2009. I was 365 at my highest this year, so I count from that number, putting me at 85 pounds lost.

3. What is your best "go-to" food to get in your protein? Cottage Cheese or Low-Carb Yogurt (thank you Kroger for making CarbMaster Yogurt!)

4. What is your favorite protein brand/shake? Atkins Chocolate... quick and easy

5. What food do you miss the most being post-band? Bagels, soda

6. What is your favorite "mushy" food? Cottage Cheese

7. What is your worst PB experience? I got banded the day before Halloween, and I wasn't thinking, and the evening of Halloween, my kids brought home a snack size bag of Sun Chips. I ate the bag without thinking about it, and then it all got jammed. I slimed for an HOUR.... and I was in AGONY. I am not able to PB/vomit because of the fundoplication (as it stands now..... not sure what the future brings) so with a hiccup, it finally went down!

8. What has been the hardest part of this journey so far for you? The daily dedication to eating clean. Sometimes, I just want to eat a bagel smeared with butter..... and eat it as fast as I want to. That certainly can't happen now. I don't really mourn foods, however, since I can have most things if I chew really well.

9. What is your best NSV to date? It all has to do with seating. Most booths, movie theater seats, and chairs with arms were too tight for me. I used to have to put the armrest up at the movie theater. Petey and I went to the movies a few weeks ago, and I plopped right in the chair, with my heavy pea-coat on, without thinking about it. I *totally* fit! I still "size-up" chairs, and think "no way".... but I always fit now!

10. What is your top non-weight goal for your band (top NSV maybe?) Getting off this DAMN blood pressure medication! It's the only prescription medication I'm on, and it bugs the SHIT out of me!

11. What is your goal weight or size? Jeepers, that's hard to say. I would LOVE to get back into a size 14. I wore a size 9 (once) I would be VERY happy being a 10/12.

12. What band "rule" do you live by (i.e. don't cheat on?) VERY begrudgingly, I haven't had any type of soda, or any other carbonated beverage, since the band went on. I did try to take a sip a few weeks ago, but the bubbles were too much for me. It will stretch my pouch, so I've sworn it off. I miss it..... but now I make yummy green tea, and have a new supplier of my teas: Teavana Love their Peach Blossom herbal tea!

13. What band "rule" do you not follow as much or aren't so good at? Eating slowly. I've always been a fast eater, and I tend to get "reminders" from my band that I'm eating too quickly (like a small PB episode.... it hurts... like something is getting stuck, and then it goes down) I really need to slow down!!! Also.... I still am able to eat about 2 cups of food at any given time. I would like to see that go down a bit! If I slow down, I know I would eat less!

14. What is your goal "reward"? Not sure... probably plastic surgery! My arms are already HORRIFIC!! Wobble, wobble!

15. In the spirit of Thanksgiving being right around the corner (US), what are you most thankful for, post-band? Getting my energy back! Now I sprint up the stairs, when pre-band, I got to the top of the stairs while trying to catch my breath! All this energy is getting all the housework, errands, chores, regular paying work, etc., done, and with energy to spare! I can't wait until Christmas..... we got a Wii Fit for the kids (something about a game they wanted....... snowboarding) but I am going to use it for the yoga program! I'm looking forward to getting into some yoga! I might even join the gym near me! OMG! I would NEVER have said that before! WOW!

*AHEM*

One pound to goal, but I had to post this number!!!!!!

Tastefully Simple

I went to a Tastefully Simple party last night..... now i'm afraid of the DS! (Damn Scale) I didn't pig out.... honestly, I just sampled some of the foods, but it was still foods that I haven't been eating (read: breads)

My last fill was October 30th, putting me at 7.5cc's. I was running like a loon that day.... fill, then to Old Navy for the "stuff and save" sale.... then over to school to pick up the kids to take them to the H1N1 clinic, then to McDonalds for lunch. I got 1 cheeseburger and a small fry (WAY less than what I used to get..... two-three cheeseburgers, large fry, large diet coke)

I took 1 bite of the burger, and ate 3 fries..... and it all got stuck. I sat in agony for about 20 minutes waiting for it to come up/go down. With a hiccup, it went down.

The next day, after Trick or Treating, I had some cottage cheese (no problem) and a snack bag of Sun Chips that the kids got while they were out..... it got stuck for AN HOUR. I thought I was going to die, the pain I was in. I was sliming like crazy, but no PB. Again.... a hiccup took care of it.

Even though things have been getting stuck now (namely, breads that I don't chew sufficiently) I still don't feel like I have restriction. CRIPES! I can still eat around 2 cups at a time. SO..... I'm going in for a fill on Tuesday. I've only lost about 3 pounds in the last 3 weeks.... and even though it's still a step in the right direction, I'd really really REALLY like to hit that goal of 279 soon. SOON! Like yesterday!

stubborn scale.....

Here I am, bouncing again...... for the past few days I've been bouncing from 282-283.....

BUT........ since 283 is what I weighed on Sunday.... I'll claim that 82 pound lost victory!

Shorter???

So, TWO different people said something to me this weekend that has to make me wonder.

Both of them mentioned how much weight I've lost, and that somehow I seem.... shorter.

Really? Shorter?

I have to wonder why two different people, who have absolutely no ties to each other, could say the same thing?

Did I have 3 inches of fat on the bottom of my feet.... chubby platforms, so to speak?

I measured myself..... I am still 5'6" tall.

How is it, that now that I am smaller, I am seen as smaller as a whole??

I just find it very interesting that perception can be somewhat global!

BTW..... my children (as you know, triplets..... all boys, aged "almost" 10) have not noticing a THING. I asked them if I looked smaller.... each one of them said "not that I've noticed". Amazing how three young boys can keep me grounded! :D

pix

Eighty!!!!!!!! Hit 285 yesterday morning!