******ONEDERLAND********

199!!!!!!!
It's agreed by all the scales (well..... sweet Taylor now says 197.5, but Old Salty says 199.8)

Hello gorgeous number that I haven't seen since I was 17 years old!!!!!

I have three scales.......

My name is Karen, and I'm a scale-a-holic.

I have 3 scales, one for each bathroom. If I lived in a mansion with 10 bathrooms, I'd have 10 scales. Minimum.

Not one of these scales ever concur with each other. EVER.

My powder room scale.... "Taylor" the oldest and kindest of the group, just told me this:

However, until the other two scales can come to the same agreement, I cannot in good faith claim Onederland to be my own.

I have a Weight Watchers scale, dubbed "WW", which is the middle child. It resides in my boy's bathroom. It always aims to please, but has often been painfully truthful as well. This is my go-to guy, which I generally trust over the newbie of the group.

My personal bathroom scale, Health-O-Meter body fat scale, in a sleek glass design, is considered "Old Salty" Always crabby, always honest, and has only twice lied to the point of laughter (when I weighed 330+, it mis-read once at 288. I remember wishing it was true, and how happy I would be to see that number. Now that I'm on THIS side of that number, that number would resolutely move me to tears..... not good ones!)

Old Salty, however, does concur with other scales. My DOCTOR'S scales. All of those nasty, nasty machines that mock me when I walk in the door. 

But.... I had to share what Taylor just said.

Wally and Old Salty need to weight wait until 2:00pm, my official, OCD defined, weigh-in time. It must be done completely naked (but not Taylor...... Taylor is kind even if I'm wearing a jacket!) and then if on a Sunday or a Holiday, measurements are taken and logged. I did say OCD defined, yes?

I hope to someday be happy weighing in once a month, and not being defined by what that scale says. Will it ever happen? Not sure. My OCD begs to differ.

Thanksgiving!

What do I have to be thankful for?

My wonderful family, the job that I love..... and the scale that's finally moving!

Here's my 205 shot! I had been doing photos for every 20 pounds lost, but now that I have 30 pounds left to lose, I'd like to move that to every 10 pounds lost! So....... see you at 195!!

Karen at 205

Plastics

So, I mentioned that I went to the plastic surgeon last week for a consultation.

The consult was $150, and I get 2 free clay mineral mask facials at my convenience, plus, if I choose to get the work done, $150 taken off the price. OK...... not bad. I do plan on seeing three surgeons, and then making an informed decision from there.

This one said this:

• You can get your arms and boobs done NOW. The weight that you have to lose is mainly from your waist down (yeah, yeah.... I'm a walking pear, always have been)

• My current BMI is 33. He would like to see it be a 29 for the tummy tuck/leg lift

• $15K for combo arms/boobs. My arm lift would go from my elbow, all the way down to about 1" PAST my bra band, since I currently have super saggies in my armpits/bra that I'm having to tuck all those nasty bits into my bra. My boobs would get the SPAIR breast lift (it's a technique) with no reduction, no additions. I'd be something like a 34D when I'm done. He thinks a D cup is where I should be, no smaller, since my frame holds it well (read: hourglass..... my boobs need to match my ample arse!)

• $15K-ish for the tummy tuck/leg lift. He was ok with putting these two procedures together like the arms/boobs. He isn't about the 10-hour marathon body lifts.

As a whole, I liked his portfolio, his demeanor, and his plastic M&M collection :) The husband came with me, and of course, he didn't like the look of ANY of the boob jobs..... but then, he really liked ALL the "before" pictures. My darling DH....... he's got that 70's natural, nipples as big as dinner plates mentality. Which, although I'd like to keep his booby thing alive, I CANNOT live with them the way they are right now. I have to wear a support system 24/7, otherwise, I need pain medication. (plus, my kids can hear them slapping down the hall...... I have all boys, and they're 10 years old...... they do not need to hear the girls arguing down the hall!)

He did say something ADORABLE that I need to share.......

"The girls are sisters, not TWINS...... they aren't going to look exactly the same"

That line might have just won him the $30K lottery that is my body.


Next consultation: Monday, November 30th, 1:30PM

This is with the surgeon that my regular doctor referred me to. I'm not in love with the website, but when I was talking to my hair stylist about it, she went gaga about that doctor. Apparently, he's done her mom's facelift, her aunts boobs, and plenty of clients. Hearing that...... I'm now more interested in talking to him than I was before. Lucky him! Will give the details when I get them.

I didn't get on the scale today......... but here's the menu for today:

Breakfast
3 cups coffee with FF milk and splenda
1 Protein Smoothie (1 C frozen blueberries, 1 C diet V8 Splash, 3 T ground flax, 1 scoop vanilla protein powder)

Lunch
1 tall glass Crystal Light Lemonade
1 small serving Quiche Lorraine (oh so yummy)

Dinner
1 glass FF milk
Seafood lasagna (made with rice lasagna noodles) (will give recipe if it's delish!)

Snack
3T chocolate granola mixed into a CARBmaster yogurt

Onederland...... why do you tease me so?

I'm stuck, stuck, stuck!

I've been 207-210 for the last 4 WEEKS!!!!!!!

I did briefly see 205.9 this week, so I'm claiming that mofo, cuz I SAW it on my scale (the one that doesn't lie)

But this is getting frustrating...... I really thought at the beginning of the month, when I was able to claim 207.6 that I had 199 by January 1st in the BAG.

Now..... I'm not so sure :(

After that 207.6 on my Sunday weigh in, I then saw (this is weekly, on Sunday's) 210.5, 209.6, and then today, 209.2

I crawled back through my weigh-ins, and notice that this time last year, I spent TWO MONTHS at 280, and then from February - April at 270. So, I do have stalls that last for two-three months.

But this stall..... THIS one, is emotionally eating at me. Honestly, if I stalled at 195, and sat there for three months, at least I'm sitting on THAT side of Onederland. Instead of THIS side of TwoTown.

I'm hoping to break this stall soon though...... I'd REALLY REALLY REALLY like to bring in the New Year at 199!

I know what I have to do....... i just don't want to do it. I stopped exercising at about #225, because work picked up even more than before, and I couldn't make time for it. But..... I'll be totally honest here..... I'm not a lover of exercise. There's no particular exercise that makes me feel good, or gets me excited. The elliptical bike does the job, I can wear my headphones and listen to music, and just zone out.... but I just haven't had the motivation to do it.

I've lost as much weight without exercise, as I have with..... but I think now I need to step up my game, and get on that goddamn machine.

I will admit, that physically, I feel wonderful when I am exercising. It just doesn't "do" it for me emotionally.

I think I'm in a funky place right now emotionally though...... having some "monthly" issues with o time, and tom time..... I totally SCREAMED at the boys the other day, because we thought they lost my phone (someone had handed it to me, and I had it in my back pocket) but before I realized that, I had myself a big-fat-ugly hissy fit. It sucked, and I still feel guilty about it. but not guilty enough to fess up that the phone was in my pocket the whole time. They tend to play on my phone, and just leave it anywhere, and this time, it was at their school. I figured that I wasn't going to do myself any favors by telling them that Mommy had the phone the whole time :(

Holiday Pomegranate Martini Recipe - only 75 calories, 2 gm sugar!

POMEGRANATE MARTINI

Low-Carb, Low-Sugar, Low-Calorie

I love Pomegranate martinis, and used to buy Smirnoff Pomegranate Martini by the bottle...... but upon reading it, it was filled with Pomegranate juice, and lemon liquor..... which spells CALORIES to me. I wanted to have something as yummy, but without all those pesky pesky grams of sugar.

As I was standing in the booze aisle, mourning the fact that a martini just wasn't in my future for that evening (and trust me.... I sooooooooooooooo needed it!) a lightbulb went off.

I checked the nutrionals on Smirnoff flavored vodkas..... and they all clock in at 69 calories per shotglassfull (is that a word? it is now!)

Then I realized, I could use the Oceanspray DIET juice, I remembered seeing Blueberry/pomegranate, and Cranberry/pomegranate..... so I ran over, and grabbed a bottle of juice, and saw that it's 5 calories/ 8 ounce cup, with 2g carb/sugar. THIS was do-able!

I went home, pulled out my favorite martini glass and did the following:

Filled martini glass with ice, and poured over:

1 shot Smirnoff Pomegranate Vodka

5 ounces OceanSpray Diet Cranberry/Pomegranate juice

splash Spice Originials Lemon Extract (no calories, carbs, etc)

Gentle stir.

This rings in at about 75 calories, and 2 carbs..... a really nice option for those who want to have a cocktail during the holidays, but still want to stay on plan. This is good for just about any diet!

I thought I'd share, because honestly, it was DELISH! The only thing missing was sugar on the rim :)

Review: Kroger Brand CARBmaster Yogurt - Carrot Cake

CARBmaster Yogurt - Carrot Cake

I don't know why I feel the need to review these yogurts, other than the fact that for THIS bandster, yogurt is necessary! I get my calcium & protein, I get my live cultures, which help with digestion, and it's a smooth, creamy food option, for when the band is crabby! Not to mention, this particular brand doesn't have sugar, instead, it's sweetened with Splenda, and has 4 carbs.

As a lover of all things carrot cake, I was nervous to try it. I didn't want to be disappointed. I didn't want it to taste weird. BUT..... my hopes were greater than my fears, and I dove in, spoon first!

The color is a light orange..... not sure what I expected in that regard?

The taste is actually VERY nice. It's reminiscent of carrot cake, just lighter.  It's creamy, it's cream cheese/carrot-y, and clocking in at 60 calories, it's a fantastic treat!

Here's the nutritionals:

Serving Size: 1 Container
Calories: 60
Fat Cal: 10
Total Fat: 1.5g
Sat Fat: 1g
Trans Fat: 0
Chol: 10mg
Sodium: 100mg
Potassium: 10mg
Total Carb: 4g
Fiber: 0
Sugars: 3
Protein: 9g
Vit. A: 25%
Vit. C: 0%
Calcium: 20%
Iron: 2%
Vit. D: 15%

So it didn't take me long to make a decision about how to doctor this little treat from super yummy, to the decadence I deserve!

So....

I added about 10 raisins, snipping them in 1/2 so there was more bits, and stirred them in. Then, I took about 1 TBSP of walnuts, and gave them a quick choppy-chop, and stirred them in as well.

O. M. G. That took the divinity to a new level!

I'm also considering taking 1 T cream cheese, mixing with 1/2 packet of splenda, and smearing that in the bottom of a small bowl. Then, turning out the yogurt into the bowl (with raisins and walnuts added) and sprinkling with some shredded carrot and a dash of cinnamon. 

If it's super yumm-o, I'll report, and give full instructions!

All in all, a fantastic treat for bandsters!

Plastic Surgery and Carrot Cake

I have plenty to say about both of those topics, and they'll have to wait until tomorrow, as I need to feed the family.

But in a nutshell, I went to see the plastic surgeon today for a consult. He's ready to do arms/boobs now. Wants to see my BMI hit 29, then ready for TT and leg lift.

Will talk at length about my conversation, and my feelings tomorrow.

I was able to procure Kroger brand CARBmaster Carrot Cake yogurt today. Tastes a lot like...... carrot cake. All it was missing was carrot bits, raisins, and a walnut or two. Hmmmmm...... could add those myself. Will do a full review with pix 2morrow.

Hit a new low today as well....... 7.1 pounds until I'm in ONEDERLAND!

Big Blonde Babe

I can't believe I had dyed my hair blonde........

Oh yeah...... and that was 170 pounds ago :)

Review: Kroger Brand CARBmaster Yogurt - Spiced Pear

Kroger brand CARBmaster Yogurt - Spiced Pear

I found one, just ONE flavor of the newly expanded line of CARBmaster yogurt the other day at Kroger. I am still patiently waiting to find Vanilla Chai and Carrot Cake on the shelves. (they also have some sort of Colada..... I'm not into coconut, so I tend to ignore those flavors) Until then, I am going to give a small review on this little treat. Current price: 3/$1.00.

Spiced Pear...... I have one word for you: YUM!

I found a few little pear morsels in my cup of yogurt. It was creamy, light, and VERY lightly spiced. If you like pears, and vanilla yogurt, then this one's a keeper! I find that the spice was so light, that perhaps a sprinkle of cinnamon next time I have a cup would be in order! 

Here's the nutritional facts:

Serving size: one container

Calories: 60

Fat Calories: 10

Total Fat: 1.5g

Sat. Fat: 1g

Trans. Fat: 0g

Cholest.: 10mg

Sodium: 90mg

Potassium: 15mg

Total Carb: 4g

Fiber: 0g

Sugars: 3g

Protein: 8g

Vit A: 6%

Vit. C: 2%

Calcium: 20%

Iron: 2%

Vit. D: 15%

I know I've been talking about the CARBmaster line of yogurt from Kroger for my last few posts, and I figure I should give a little more information about this product.

Kroger rolled out the CARBmaster yogurt line during the big "low-carb" frenzy of the early 2000's. After so many of these products rolled out, and then fizzled out by 2006, this particular line of yogurt, blessedly, has not only NOT been axed, but is flourishing, and has been slowly expanding it's flavor lineup.

I love yogurt, but sugar is NO friend to me! So many yogurts (you know who you are!) label themselves as Fat-free or low-fat. Which, is true. But what they DON'T mention is that they pump it full of sugar. Some have 10, 15, 20 grams of sugar! That's almost as much as a can of cola!

CARBmaster all has around 4g carb. 

I usually have a CARBmaster around 9PM, whether alone, or with some homemade granola mixed in.

I'm so thankful that this yogurt line is thriving! Yeah Kroger!

Feeling Groovy

It took ALL day to shake this headache....... went to bed with it.

Took 1 excedrin last night, no better.

Took 2 excendrin this morning...... nope

Took 2 tylenol 4 hours later. NADA

Finally, I took a hot shower, laid on the couch, and gave in. Took 1 vicodin.

NO MORE HEADACHE.

Why did it take the big guns to get rid of this headache?? Barometric pressure?!?!

Kroger Carbmaster Yogurt

Did you know?

Did you know??

Kroger Carbmaster Yogurt came out with NEW flavors!!!!!!!!

Spiced Pear (have it in my fridge NOW!)

Carrot Cake (sold out.......)

Vanilla Chai (sold out)

I love yogurt.... but hate all the sugar that comes in 'regular' yogurt. I've been eating Kroger Carbmaster yogurt for a few years now, and just dig it. I'm thrilled it didn't die a fiery death like most of the low-carb foods did. Apparently, this line is thriving!

I'm going to eat PASTA!

WTF, how is that exciting?

Well, I've been trying to be a good gluten-girl, and not eat any of it!  I swore off pasta before I ever got the band because of this:

It was a few years ago, and I was on strict Atkins for about 6-8 months. It was my dad's birthday, and he asked me to make my special Baked Ziti for him. I have a KILLER recipe, that uses a mix of provolone and sour cream instead of ricotta cheese, not sure why it blends together so well.....but yum!

Anyway, I decided that I was going to have some as well, so my husband dished it out for all of us, and since this was WELL pre-band, I would say my portion had to be a 6" square, and probably 2-1/2" thick. Without a doubt, it HAD to clock in at between 700-800 calories, minimum.

Anyway, I enjoyed the HELL out of that meal! Savored every bite, ate every crumb..... you get the idea. As we were sitting around the table, drinking coffee, I started to feel like CRAP. Not like I was going to vomit.... more like I got hit with the flu. I was suddenly really COLD, but I also started sweating. All my muscles started aching, as did my joints, my back, etc. I started feeling disconnected, like I had a fever..... then, I was EXHAUSTED. I could barely move. I had to go and lay on the couch, and although I could participate in conversation, I just laid there like a blob. My husband had to clean up the dinner dishes, because I just couldn't move. My parents left about an hour later, and I took that opportunity to go to bed. I went up to bed, and slept a horrible, listless, continually waking sleep. When I got up in the morning, I felt like I had been in a car wreck. Everything that ached the night before was screaming in pain. I had a headache like I had been on a drinking bender. I went to the bathroom, and had a poopy that smelled so wretched, that I actually *did* get sick, and yarked all over the floor. I took some tylenol, and went downstairs and threw myself on the couch. I started getting better that afternoon..... until I got on the scale, and realized a 10 pound GAIN overnight. I looked at my feet (retaining water, perhaps?) and they were SO SWOLLEN, you couldn't see my ankles at all. As a matter of fact, I was really swollen from the knees down.

It took 3 days to feel better, and 5 to get that nonsensical gain fixed.

I wondered then if I had a gluten problem? I had had similar reactions when eating pizza. Same flu like symptoms, same weight gain, same pain.

I had bloodwork drawn, and my IgA levels were out of bounds..... my OB was the one who had them done, and she was like "dude..... no more gluten, k?" (that's how we get along...... love her!)

So...... I gave up pizza. I gave up pasta. I never had another weirdo reaction like that again. Wondering if it's semolina wheat that is my problem?

ANYWAY...... after searching high and low for a pasta that's acceptable, I fell in love with Tinkyada pasta, and I'll be having Penne for dinner tonight! Will post the recipe if it's yummy!

Karen's New England Clam Chowder

It's that time of year...... there's frost on the grass in the morning, all the leaves have fallen from the trees.... and if you look really hard, you can see a flurry or two sneaking in on a sunny November afternoon.

What warms my heart, and my tummy is a good, hearty soup. My husband begged me to make Manhattan Clam Chowder, which I did, and he loved. But me..... not so much. Too tomatoey..... but I knew there was a clam chowder out there for me, that was based in potatoes.

He loves tomatoes.... I love potatoes.

The recipe that I found that was closest to what I wanted was LOADED in fat (I'd suppose the 3 cups of half and half or heavy cream might have had a bit to do with that) but I didn't want to lose the creaminess. Hello white rice flour! It thickened it up, and because it's a soup, the flour lost the graininess that sometimes others complain of when using this type of flour, because it absorbed enough liquid.

This recipe totally made my family happy..... and my BAND!

KAREN'S NEW ENGLAND CLAM CHOWDER

Ingredients:


4 slices of low-sodium bacon, diced (I used Plumrose sugar free, lower sodium bacon)
1.5 C onion, diced
1 C clam juice
4 C potatoes, peeled and cut into 1/2" chunks
White pepper, to taste
2 C Fat Free Milk
3 T butter
2 (10 oz.) cans minced clams
4 T. White Rice Flour, mixed with enough fat free milk to make a paste 

Directions:

1. Place diced bacon in large stock pot over medium-high heat. Cook until almost crisp. Add onions, cook until translucent. Stir in clam juice and potatoes, season with white pepper (and salt if you'd like) Bring to a boil. Cover, reduce to medium, and cook for 20 minutes.

2. Pour in milk and butter. Put in both cans of clams, with liquid. Cook 5 minutes. Add white rice flour and milk paste, cook until thickened.

3. Pour into soup bowls, top with shaved parmesan/romano/asiago cheese.

Totally approximate: Makes 8 servings, at about 350 calories, 20 fat, 20 carb, 25 protein

List of Food Lap-Bandster's Probably Can't Eat Anymore.....

I'm putting together a top ten list, since many people have asked me what I can/can't eat. This list can be revisited, and renumbered, if followers/lurkers decide to weigh-in :)

TOP TEN FOODS THAT GET STUCK IN MY LAP-BAND

1. Scrambled Eggs, omelettes
2. Meat that's too dry; meat jerky
3. Meats that are too fiberous: Lamb, Cheap cuts of beef, cube steaks
4. Bread
5. Pizza
6. Rice
7. Pasta
8. Raw celery
9. Fruit/Vegetable skins
10. Nuts

I wouldn't even try jerky meats...... but I had gone to a catered event, and got a slice of ham. It was dry, and I knew better. Slime-time!

All omelettes get me sliming within the first bite.

Breads **will* go down if I eat them slowly, chew like crazy, and only send small swallows down at a time. I can get down those "arnold's sandwich thins" if I coat it generously with vinegar first. I was eating turkey/provolone/romaine sammies with vinegar and a dash of oil on an Arnold's Sandwich Thin whole wheat..... but now that I'm at 10cc, I've tried twice to eat this sammy, and it got stuck both times.

Sooooo....

I'm going to start posting some lunch/dinner recipes that don't get jammed in my band.

I try very hard not to eat a lot of gluten, and now that those arnold sandwich thins aren't going down the gullet anymore, hopefully, gluten-free. (long story..... but I was on Atkins for a long time, decided to have a special baked ziti dinner, and ended up in bed for 3 days, from a gluten intolerance)

So, I will try to post recipes a few times a week. I'm a "quality" foodie..... meaning, it's gotta taste GREAT in order to make it into this blog. My whole family has to dig it, and request it again :)

I have one in mind...... so watch for the next post!

I'm scared.....

I'm scared that after all the hard work to get the surgery lined up, the liquid pre-op diet, the surgery itself, the liquid post-op diet, the mushies.... and then the journey..... that I'll go back to being that 375 woman again.

I just went through my closet, and for the first time, everything fits. EVERYTHING. That includes my junior prom dress (albeit, I can't button up the back) and the dress I wore when I was THIRTEEN when I stood up in my brother's wedding. (can't zip that one either..... but it goes on!)

Sweaters that I've loved for years because of their warmth and roominess are still able to be worn..... they're just huge.

Winter coats, that used to be tight, now look so ridiculous, that I'm forced to put them in my BFF's daughter's girl scout troop coat drive box. My gorgeous blue peacoat, that RIPPED at the seams, and my mom had to fix, because it was too tight, now looks like I'm playing dress up in my daddy's coat.

But I'm scared.

I'm scared to get rid of clothing, because that little voice...... the one that doesn't believe in me, keeps telling me I should keep all the stuff that's too big, because I'm not going to succeed.... because I'm not strong enough. That I can't keep up with what I'm doing.

BUT.... there's another voice that I never heard before. And that one says.... you've never lost so much weight before. You've never stuck to a diet for over 8 months before, and this time, you've changed your eating habits for good! You've stuck with this since July 2009. It's November 2010, and you're not doing badly. You SHOULD exercise more than you do... and you know that, but kiddo, you've lost nearly 170 pounds so far. You WILL make it this time. And when you get there....... you're gonna stay there. One day at a time, and if need be, one breath at a time. You can do it.... because you've BEEN doing it.

I was 210 today...... not bad considering the candypalooza that I had on Wednesday...... I'm hoping to be back to my low of 207.6 within a few days or so.

Take that Butterfinger...... and shove it!

F$CK YOU Butterfinger, and all your peanut-buttery/chocolate goodness!

I tried, I really did!

But then I got all high and mighty....... and it clenched my DOOM!

I was reading everyone else's blog, talking about motorboating bags of candy that the children gathered on Sunday..... reading about cheating on diets, looking at pictures of empty candy wrappers in the trash, calorie counts, weight gains..... and I smugly sat here and proudly said to no one: Not me! I've been strong, I've done GREAT! I'm so close to Onederland, I can taste it.....

Onederland does NOT taste like a Butterfinger however. And that's probably step one of my 10 steps into the abyss!

1. Triplet #2 brought home a bag of candy that could feed a small country. Triplets #1 and #3 brought home nearly as much, but apparently, #2 did some serious schmoozing, and got all those "full size" candy givers to donate more than once. He got a full size Twix, M&Ms, Snickers, Kit Kat, Butterfinger AND MilkyWay. Must be some sort of record!

2. My FMC (Free Menstral Calendar, TMI iPhone app for those of us with OCD that need spreadsheets for Auntie Flo) APP told me that my monthly "gift" was going to arrive today. That explains why the "girls" almost self-amputated on Monday.... they hurt THAT much!

3. I was overdue for a big helping of self-loathing and guilt. Apparently, I thrive on it.

4. I just bought $200 in clothing at Torrid in size ZERO..... because that's my size there. I'll never be a true size zero...... so I figured I needed to get a few pieces of clothing that said it anyway. The super sexy skinny jeans? Size 16. 

5. I'm going to the OB/GYN on Monday, and she has a scale that I need to hop on so the nurse can write it on my chart. Any time I know someone has to weigh me...... there's a slip

6. I'm going for a PLASTICS consultation a week from Monday. Another scale I'm sure.

7. The husband AND the kids were home from work/school for election day. Hubby took Monday and Wednesday off for a 5 day weekend, and to burn a few days that were going to be lost Jan 1 if he didn't take them. He stresses me out when he's home, because I WORK from home. I'm self employed, and it's hard to work when I get interrupted 8000 times. If the kids are home too..... it's a recipe for disaster (disaster = fudge brownies)

8. I lied to myself, telling me it was going to kick-start my metabolism. Actually..... it's not really a lie. Every time I've done this, I have my little food party..... then a double serving of guilt. I generally do go up in weight, and then if I'm behaving, can have up to a 10 pounds drop and won't see a plateau for weeks..... but the emotional payload is too heavy a price for my (obviously) damaged psyche.

9. Everyone else was doing it...... I'm a suck for peer pressure

10. Because I'm not perfect. This is a journey....... not an express lane 10 minute quickie lube.

I did wake up feeling weak and needy, and headachy and swollen (salt and sugar can do that) and not necessarily on task..... however, one small visit to the bathroom confirmed what FMC was telling me..... and I made a cup of coffee with milk and splenda. And then I had another. And THEN I started my day.

One foot in front of the other...... breathing in and out.... some days, that's all I can do :)