I'm scared that after all the hard work to get the surgery lined up, the liquid pre-op diet, the surgery itself, the liquid post-op diet, the mushies.... and then the journey..... that I'll go back to being that 375 woman again.
I just went through my closet, and for the first time, everything fits. EVERYTHING. That includes my junior prom dress (albeit, I can't button up the back) and the dress I wore when I was THIRTEEN when I stood up in my brother's wedding. (can't zip that one either..... but it goes on!)
Sweaters that I've loved for years because of their warmth and roominess are still able to be worn..... they're just huge.
Winter coats, that used to be tight, now look so ridiculous, that I'm forced to put them in my BFF's daughter's girl scout troop coat drive box. My gorgeous blue peacoat, that RIPPED at the seams, and my mom had to fix, because it was too tight, now looks like I'm playing dress up in my daddy's coat.
But I'm scared.
I'm scared to get rid of clothing, because that little voice...... the one that doesn't believe in me, keeps telling me I should keep all the stuff that's too big, because I'm not going to succeed.... because I'm not strong enough. That I can't keep up with what I'm doing.
BUT.... there's another voice that I never heard before. And that one says.... you've never lost so much weight before. You've never stuck to a diet for over 8 months before, and this time, you've changed your eating habits for good! You've stuck with this since July 2009. It's November 2010, and you're not doing badly. You SHOULD exercise more than you do... and you know that, but kiddo, you've lost nearly 170 pounds so far. You WILL make it this time. And when you get there....... you're gonna stay there. One day at a time, and if need be, one breath at a time. You can do it.... because you've BEEN doing it.
I was 210 today...... not bad considering the candypalooza that I had on Wednesday...... I'm hoping to be back to my low of 207.6 within a few days or so.