up seven :(

Well..... Christmas did do a bit of damage to me... or should I say, I did it to myself!

I made peanut butter blossom cookies, even though the inner "me" was screaming the entire time that I shouldn't do it!

I'm up 7 pounds this week... I'm aware it's mostly water, and I tend to BLOAT..... so it should come off quickly as well. But.... DAMN!

This too shall pass!

Wedding ring...

As I washed my hair yesterday (which still seems to be shedding quite a bit...... not sure if that's something I need to worry about, or if my body is going through an adjustment? Perhaps it's just that it's longer than it's been in years?? My hair is quite thick, so the shedding isn't obvious.... but I definitely lose 20-30 noticeable hairs off my head each time I'm in the shower!) my wedding ring almost fell off! 

It's been noticeably looser for a few weeks now. (This..... the ring that at one point, was hurting my finger so badly, that it took ice and butter to get it off, and I didn't wear it for a few months, because I was afraid it was going to cut off my circulation!)

So, I put it on a chain, to wear on my neck until I finish this part of my life journey. I think it would be silly to get it resized more than once.... so onto the chain it goes for the unforeseeable future.

I then went to my jewelry stash (which is slim pickins) and saw that I had two rings that I never wore. Not because I didn't like them..... but because they didn't fit my ring finger. One is my paternal great-grandmother's ring. It's an emerald, probably 1/2 carat, in a very delicate setting. I laughed to myself, thinking...... I don't know why I'm trying this on, it's never fit me. And then.... on it slides! OMG! This ring is old.... my grandfather was born in 1899, so the ring clocks in somewhere at about 100 years old. It's gorgeous... but as a cocktail ring. Perhaps the next wedding I go to I'll wear it :)

The next ring I tried on is the ring my parents gave me as a gift for my college graduation. It's white gold, with 3 diamonds, and 4 sapphires... each about 1/4 carat. My parents had the ring made at Braunschweigers Jewelers This ring didn't fit when they gave it to me. I'm pretty sure I didn't weigh as much as 270 when I graduated college, because around that same time, I was working retail, and I can remember buying size 18/20, and although I can wear a few 18/20 items, I'm securely in a 22/24. My body has probably changed however.... and I don't have any swelling in my hands, like I probably did then. So, I'm not going to fool myself into believing that I'm as low as I was in college (for some reason..... 245 rings in my head as a weight in college.... not sure why that number keeps coming up.... but it certainly makes sense)

I say... who cares? This beautiful ring fits, and my husband doesn't care if I wear in in place of my wedding ring, since the likelihood of my losing it is like this woman's!

I still have my high school ring.... which I know I wore when I weighed 140. Wonder if that will ever fit?

95...... how sweet it is!

Where do I go from here?

The lowest I've weighed on a scale in nearly 10 years is 269. I'm a mere pound away from that as of today! The lowest I've weighed since April 2000 is 262.... which is LESS than 10 pounds away. I hit that all time low of 262 about 3 weeks after I gave birth to the triplets.... amazing how pre-eclampsia, once resolved, makes you lose weight rapidly. I never saw that number again since.... but I'm looking forward to the day that I do. Hopefully, it will come in the next month or two! What a joy to hit that number again!

Where do I go from here?

Into uncharted territory, that's where.

I must have been going through an "ostrich" moment from age 20-24, when I just didn't weigh at all. (ostrich = head in the sand) I have no recollection of any weights, except for a day, sometime in 1987-1988, when a friend Vanessa and I went to Living Well Lady, and I weighed in at 216. Before that, I remember 185 as a senior in high school, 160 as an 8th grader, and 140 as a sophomore, my lowest weight ever at age 15. I doubt I'll get there again, and that's fine.

My doctor set my goal at 150..... and that's what I'll have for now, since I haven't been there for so long, I have no idea what will be good. And since it's so far away, it's not necessary to nitpick the future, when I need to keep my goals in front of me.

Next goal: 269....... which should be met this week, since I was 270.2 today.

Oh....... and those brownies I made for my boys that tempted me a few times this week? FU..... I won!

Metabolism

I have not been a good eater.

The food that I eat is fine, but the times that I eat it probably isn't, and I'm going to do an experiment with myself over the next month, to see if this metabolic reboot won't help.

For the last few years, I tend not to eat during the day. I have 2-3 cups of coffee in the morning, and then nothing until about 4-5pm. I'll have a regular dinner, but then I'm an eating machine from 6-10pm. Then directly to bed. I do not, however, wake up to eat in the middle of the night, essentially ruling out Night-Eating Syndrome Eating Disorder  I've also been tracking calories.... and I'm not even clocking in at 1000 calories/day. Which means, I'm in starvation-mode, which explains meager losses lately.

So, I've read a bit, and have decided to do this:

Eat breakfast at around 9:00am (I've done this for 2 days now)

Eat lunch at around noon

Eat a snack at about 3:00pm

Eat dinner at 6:00pm

Eat a snack at about 8:45pm, nothing past 9PM.

So that when I have breakFAST, I actually am breaking a 12 hour fast. This should help get my metabolism back in good shape.

So.... I suppose I'll need to be accountable for a while with foods, and making sure I'm getting enough of everything, so I'll post daily menus for a while, and I'm sure if you people see a problem, you'll let me know?? Thanks in advance!

Tuesday's Food

9:00am Breakfast, 1 serving of Sugar-Free Apple & Cinnamon Oatmeal (Great Value Brand)

1:30pm Lunch, 1 Arnold's Whole Wheat Sandwich thin, with yellow mustard, 1 slice provolone, 3 slices hard salami, and lettuce.

5:45pm Dinner  Baked Chicken breast (about 4 ounces) made with a thin coating of low-fat mayo, and bread crumbs, cheddar mashed potatoes (about 3/4 cup) corn (1/2 cup) cranberries (1/4 cup). 1" slice banana bread with a dollop of whipped cream for dessert.

8:45pm Snack, about 1 cup of cottage cheese, with 3 teaspoons of light ranch dressing

I had about 2 cups of coffee, 1 glass of milk, and 2 glasses of iced tea (decaf) as well

Does that look like I got enough food?

Charity: Water

In the spirit of Christmas..... I was wondering what I could do to help my planet, my people. So.... as I was looking around the internet, I found that 1 in 8 people don't have clean drinking water. Can you think of 8 people you love right off the top of your head? I can. Now picture one of them without clean water.

http://www.charitywater.org/

Charity: Water is a non profit organization bringing clean, safe drinking water to people in developing nations. They give 100% of the money raised to direct project costs, funding sustainable clean water solutions in areas of greatest need. Just $20 can give one person in a developing nation clean water for 20 years.

So..... if you're thinking of giving to a charity this year... why not consider Charity: Water

xo Karen

NSV

I keep meaning to get over here to talk of my newest NSV (no.... this one's not chair related!)

I got my bellybutton pierced about 1-1/2 years ago (August 2008) as a reward for losing weight. I always loved it, except a) it took forever to heal, and was constantly getting infections and b) I bought some cute rings at the mall, only to find they were too tight.

So, I was cursing the ring when I had to put it back in after the LB surgery.... mostly because there was a whole bunch of glue across my whole abdomen (methinks someone spilled the glue) So, when I put it in, it complained, bled, oozed, etc.

I just realized a few weeks ago, that my belly ring hasn't been complaining. At all. So I checked on it, no crusties, no oozing, no redness, no anything. However, the ring looked a bit looser. So I tried one of the rings that I bought at the mall.... and it fit! No problems! I've been wearing this cute pink flower ring for at least 2 weeks... and no problem!

So....... next time I go to the mall, I'm getting some more!!!!!!!!!!

PB / Slime

So..... when I went from 6.5cc to 7.5cc in my band, I found out almost immediately that the band was much tighter. I had a sliming episode with my first meal after the fill (my dr. doesn't ask us to go back on liquids or mushies... regular food after fill is fine)

It wasn't the sliming that was the problem, it was the pain that I felt as my body tried to figure out what to do with the stuck food. Because of my fundoplication, I had already found out (through the stomach flu) that I couldn't vomit.... or PB as it may. Actually, I did have one small PB, but it was all slime, and didn't help any!

So now that I am at 8.5cc, I'm finding that I have sliming incidents anywhere from 5-7x/week.

Does this mean I'm too restricted? How can it be, when I'm still hungry... and OFTEN! I still have issues with wanting to eat naughty foods. However..... I made a cake this week for my kids, and when I had a slice.... it got stuck. I slimed for about 1/2 hour. It sucked. I was so pissed at the cake, I wouldn't even look at it again!

I am slowly realizing that if I eat too quickly, or don't completely liquify my food.... it gets stuck. Gosh.... I never thought I'd have to learn how to CHEW again!

I also seem to have hit a wall with weightloss. I have bounced between 275-280 for about a month. What is up with that? I haven't started exercising yet...... think that has something to do with it? (that's rhetorical.... I know that it's TOTALLY why I haven't lost any more poundage!)

Alright... I seem to be getting crabbier as I write....... I'll go and have that Muffin/Hot Cocoa party for the class that won the Box Tops contest this month (I'm a Box Tops coordinator for my school...... #1 in Michigan last year..... #48 in the nation!! Made $6640.00 last year for my school!!)

NINETY!

what to do, what to do

So.... I'm trying to make a big decision. Do I count my weight loss from my highest weight ever, or my highest weight this year?

I'm leaning towards my highest weight ever, since it's a valid weight, even if it was in 2008, and didn't last for more than a few days.

However... I don't want other bandsters to think that I've lost that much weight with just my band. I say this, because someone mentioned on the LBT forum that I had lost 88 pounds since getting the band, and that isn't all together true. I lost 35 pounds on the pre-op diet, which for me, lasted 3 weeks (because my BMI at the time was over 50)

So..... here's a poll to help me out...... please vote!

What weight do I use as my starting point? 375.5 - My highest weight ever 365 - My weight when deciding to get Lap Band 350 - My official weight when I went to the Lap Band doctor first View Results Make your own poll

Weekend ramblings.... NSVs and more

I've had a rough few days.... but want to quickly say, I'm still in control!

On Saturday, I was really hoping for 275 on the scale. Even 275.9 would have been a victory in my book for hitting a mini-goal, but for whatever reason, the scale refused to budge from 276.2. I figured it was .3 pounds, and that not every goal is going to be accomplished according to my mind's timetable.

I got ready for the wedding I was going to, and was surprised to find that although I had tried my dress on a week prior, within that time, and about 3 pounds lost, that my dress was just slightly too big. When I tried it on before, it fit just right. Since it was just slightly too big, I felt good about it. Then I put on my shoes. I wore these shoes (and the dress) at the end of September when I was 305... but now I was nearly 30 pounds less than that at 276. The shoes were too big! WAY TOO BIG! My feet slid forward in them, and my toes were getting mashed up at the front.

See... for as long as I can remember, I've worn a 9 wide. When I was a teenager, I didn't wear wide shoes, I wore a regular size 8-1/2. I put on the shoes, and my toes were killing me.... and I realized why: the shoes were WAY TOO BIG. Too big, too wide. I had to dig through my closet and found a pair of black heels (albeit, way out of style.... chunky heeled platforms) that I haven't been able to wear in FOREVER, because my feet were too wide.

Not anymore! Those shoes fit like Cinderella's slipper! It's a crazy NSV, but I'm glad to be buying "regular width" shoes now instead of "wide"...... the wide shoes, in many stores, are very grandma-looking. So... I had been buying shoes from Sihouettes, since they're stuff is pretty fashionable.

I actually wrote this post a few days ago, and left it in my drafts to work on later, but I've been SO busy with my paying work, that I didn't have time to finish it properly.

I am a graphic designer who owns my own business. Actually, I run my studio out of my house. If any of my friends here need business cards, postcards, flyers, brochures, etc., designed and printed, let me know. I have a FABULOUS printer who's prices are amazing. One of my clients is greatcollegegifts.com, I design posters for both OSU and LSU..... I design custom posters that have the marching band spelling your name (or whatever name you choose) on the field during half time. They're pretty cool for Buckeye and Tiger fans! It's also been keeping me SUPER busy, since it's Christmas season. So if I'm quiet, know that I'm busy, busy, busy scripting posters :)

Stop asking me how much weight I've lost!

I posted this over at lapbanktalk.com, but I'm posting it here as well, since it's currently my biggest struggle.

I am having some fairly serious anxiety with regard to other people mentioning my weight loss. From my highest weight, I am nearly 100 pounds down. But although I feel I can share that with YOU people, I don't like sharing that information with the general population.

I don't mind telling my mom, my husband, my BFF how much weight I've lost, but I don't like telling colleagues, my BFF's parents, my cousins, neighbors, etc. And they KEEP asking.

I've lost/gained 50-80 pounds quite a few times, and when people start talking to me about my weight loss, I start to get uncomfortable with the conversation, and I generally start gaining weight again..... which then stops all the conversation. But now, it's different. It's not going to happen, so I need to figure out how to know in my heart (like I know in my head) that I am not responsible to other people for my weight... I am only responsible to myself. I guess that was part of the problem, was that when I said "I've lost 60 pounds" it made me feel accountable to who I was telling that number to, and I couldn't handle the pressure.

Recently, though, I feel like I've been weighed/measured/evaluated when people ask me how much weight I've lost. I don't like being represented by a number, but it's the question that I get the most, and I'm having a heck of a time trying to figure out how to answer it.

When I do answer "I've lost 60 pounds" the next question is "How much more do you want to lose?" It keeps going around and around, and by the time that I can rip myself from the conversation, I just want to dive into a vat of ice cream.

So my question is this..... does answering the question like this come off as a lie? :

I honestly don't know how much I've lost. I used to be a slave to the scale, and in the end, it was always my demise, and I'd gain back all the weight I've lost. So now, I'm just trying to be healthy, and I'll know once I get to where I'm healthiest what my weight is.

Or do I just say something like "I really don't like to talk about numbers"

I honestly never thought that one of the biggest struggles I'd have during this journey is with answering questions that I think are prying.

I might be a little sensitive to it as well.... being a mother of triplets, the questions/comments when they were babies were incredible! I can't tell you how many times a complete stranger would walk up to me and say "wow... triplets! If it were me, I'd kill myself"

Yup. How does someone respond to that?? Generally.. I'd just say "wow! I guess I should be glad I'm not you then!"

I hit my mini-goal!

I had said that I really wanted to get to 279.... that I remembered hitting that number 2-3 times since I gave birth in 2000.

Yesterday, I rang in at 278.4! I was very happy to see it, since I seemed to have been bouncing between 282-284 for about 3 weeks.

I went for another fill this past Tuesday, and currently have 8.5cc in a 14cc band. I am being EXCEPTIONALLY careful with what I am eating, since things started getting stuck when I was at 7.5cc. I had a very nasty experience with a snack bag of Sun Chips that refused to go down..... or come up. So I sat in AGONY in my bathroom, sliming but never having a PB. I had no idea that a stomach could have contractions (not unlike labor pain, btw!) and it actually had contractions stronger and closer together, until finally, about an hour into this ordeal, I had a big hiccup, and everything was ok again.

The parallel to labor pains was so absolutely, and eerily spot on, that I was in shock! I honestly do NOT want that to happen again. I do have issues with eating too quickly, and need to work on it, because I have had some smaller episodes that give me some (not so gentle) reminders that if I don't slow down and chew everything completely, I am going to be in some serious pain, and it doesn't just last a few minutes.

SO.... back to mini-goals!

My next goal is to get to 275.5. Why this number? Because at my highest, I weighed 375.5. That would be a true 100 pounds loss from my highest weight.

I will post the next FEW mini-goals, just so I can keep my thoughts organized!

275 - I'd really like to hit this by Saturday... going to a wedding, and would like to say I've lost 90 pounds when people ask how much I've lost.

269 - Hit this number back in 2004 when I had stomach flu. Never saw it again since.

262 - The lowest weight I've hit in YEARS. I remember being 262 exactly 3 weeks after giving birth (I had gained 75 pounds with pregnancy.... had pre-eclampsia and gained 50 of that 75 in the last 3 weeks of pregnancy... after giving birth, I lost 80 pounds in 3 weeks.... obviously, ALL water retention from the pre-eclampsia!)

259 - I'd have to say that I haven't seen the 250's since the late 80's, early 90's. I don't remember any "numbers" between 216 - 262 as far as milestones go. I was 216 in 1986, while I was in my first few years of college. I also remember weighing 185 in my Senior Year of High School (I also remember weighing 140 when I was a Sophomore)

249 - Being closer to 200 than 300

Those are the goals that I have for now...... not sure where I'm going..... but I'd certainly like to re-enter Onederland again..... haven't been there since 1986!

Questionnaire

I got this questionnaire off of Jacqueline's blog

1. How long have you been banded? Got banded on August 6, 2009..... so 3 months and 1-1/2 weeks

2. What was your highest pre-band weight? / Current weight now? / Total lost to date? 375.5/280.2/95.3... but I don't count from 375.5, since I didn't hit that in 2009. I was 365 at my highest this year, so I count from that number, putting me at 85 pounds lost.

3. What is your best "go-to" food to get in your protein? Cottage Cheese or Low-Carb Yogurt (thank you Kroger for making CarbMaster Yogurt!)

4. What is your favorite protein brand/shake? Atkins Chocolate... quick and easy

5. What food do you miss the most being post-band? Bagels, soda

6. What is your favorite "mushy" food? Cottage Cheese

7. What is your worst PB experience? I got banded the day before Halloween, and I wasn't thinking, and the evening of Halloween, my kids brought home a snack size bag of Sun Chips. I ate the bag without thinking about it, and then it all got jammed. I slimed for an HOUR.... and I was in AGONY. I am not able to PB/vomit because of the fundoplication (as it stands now..... not sure what the future brings) so with a hiccup, it finally went down!

8. What has been the hardest part of this journey so far for you? The daily dedication to eating clean. Sometimes, I just want to eat a bagel smeared with butter..... and eat it as fast as I want to. That certainly can't happen now. I don't really mourn foods, however, since I can have most things if I chew really well.

9. What is your best NSV to date? It all has to do with seating. Most booths, movie theater seats, and chairs with arms were too tight for me. I used to have to put the armrest up at the movie theater. Petey and I went to the movies a few weeks ago, and I plopped right in the chair, with my heavy pea-coat on, without thinking about it. I *totally* fit! I still "size-up" chairs, and think "no way".... but I always fit now!

10. What is your top non-weight goal for your band (top NSV maybe?) Getting off this DAMN blood pressure medication! It's the only prescription medication I'm on, and it bugs the SHIT out of me!

11. What is your goal weight or size? Jeepers, that's hard to say. I would LOVE to get back into a size 14. I wore a size 9 (once) I would be VERY happy being a 10/12.

12. What band "rule" do you live by (i.e. don't cheat on?) VERY begrudgingly, I haven't had any type of soda, or any other carbonated beverage, since the band went on. I did try to take a sip a few weeks ago, but the bubbles were too much for me. It will stretch my pouch, so I've sworn it off. I miss it..... but now I make yummy green tea, and have a new supplier of my teas: Teavana Love their Peach Blossom herbal tea!

13. What band "rule" do you not follow as much or aren't so good at? Eating slowly. I've always been a fast eater, and I tend to get "reminders" from my band that I'm eating too quickly (like a small PB episode.... it hurts... like something is getting stuck, and then it goes down) I really need to slow down!!! Also.... I still am able to eat about 2 cups of food at any given time. I would like to see that go down a bit! If I slow down, I know I would eat less!

14. What is your goal "reward"? Not sure... probably plastic surgery! My arms are already HORRIFIC!! Wobble, wobble!

15. In the spirit of Thanksgiving being right around the corner (US), what are you most thankful for, post-band? Getting my energy back! Now I sprint up the stairs, when pre-band, I got to the top of the stairs while trying to catch my breath! All this energy is getting all the housework, errands, chores, regular paying work, etc., done, and with energy to spare! I can't wait until Christmas..... we got a Wii Fit for the kids (something about a game they wanted....... snowboarding) but I am going to use it for the yoga program! I'm looking forward to getting into some yoga! I might even join the gym near me! OMG! I would NEVER have said that before! WOW!

*AHEM*

One pound to goal, but I had to post this number!!!!!!

Tastefully Simple

I went to a Tastefully Simple party last night..... now i'm afraid of the DS! (Damn Scale) I didn't pig out.... honestly, I just sampled some of the foods, but it was still foods that I haven't been eating (read: breads)

My last fill was October 30th, putting me at 7.5cc's. I was running like a loon that day.... fill, then to Old Navy for the "stuff and save" sale.... then over to school to pick up the kids to take them to the H1N1 clinic, then to McDonalds for lunch. I got 1 cheeseburger and a small fry (WAY less than what I used to get..... two-three cheeseburgers, large fry, large diet coke)

I took 1 bite of the burger, and ate 3 fries..... and it all got stuck. I sat in agony for about 20 minutes waiting for it to come up/go down. With a hiccup, it went down.

The next day, after Trick or Treating, I had some cottage cheese (no problem) and a snack bag of Sun Chips that the kids got while they were out..... it got stuck for AN HOUR. I thought I was going to die, the pain I was in. I was sliming like crazy, but no PB. Again.... a hiccup took care of it.

Even though things have been getting stuck now (namely, breads that I don't chew sufficiently) I still don't feel like I have restriction. CRIPES! I can still eat around 2 cups at a time. SO..... I'm going in for a fill on Tuesday. I've only lost about 3 pounds in the last 3 weeks.... and even though it's still a step in the right direction, I'd really really REALLY like to hit that goal of 279 soon. SOON! Like yesterday!

stubborn scale.....

Here I am, bouncing again...... for the past few days I've been bouncing from 282-283.....

BUT........ since 283 is what I weighed on Sunday.... I'll claim that 82 pound lost victory!

Shorter???

So, TWO different people said something to me this weekend that has to make me wonder.

Both of them mentioned how much weight I've lost, and that somehow I seem.... shorter.

Really? Shorter?

I have to wonder why two different people, who have absolutely no ties to each other, could say the same thing?

Did I have 3 inches of fat on the bottom of my feet.... chubby platforms, so to speak?

I measured myself..... I am still 5'6" tall.

How is it, that now that I am smaller, I am seen as smaller as a whole??

I just find it very interesting that perception can be somewhat global!

BTW..... my children (as you know, triplets..... all boys, aged "almost" 10) have not noticing a THING. I asked them if I looked smaller.... each one of them said "not that I've noticed". Amazing how three young boys can keep me grounded! :D

pix

Eighty!!!!!!!! Hit 285 yesterday morning!

Lindora Online

Anyone else from the Lap-Band forums use lapband.com, and the Lindora Online support system??

I'd be interested in hearing from you folks! I don't have to go to support group meetings, never had to meet with a nutritionist, etc. I got the band, and some paperwork on the types of foods to eat, and to eat slowly, but that's about it. I figured it out for myself that drinking while eating wasn't a smart move.

Another Mini-Goal

Since I hit my goal of 288 a few days ago, I've been thinking about what my new goal should be.

I remember hitting 279 the day of a birthday party, about 6 years ago. I wore my khaki Gloria Vanderbuilt pants, with my dark khaki Avenue square neck top. TUCKED IN. (for those of you who also suffer from tummy pooch... you'll understand where I come from with that!!!)

When I hit 279, I am going to put that outfit on, and post that picture HERE. Accountability is the key!! Plus, I want a photo record of my journey to health :)

SO..... next goal: 279

SEVENTY EIGHT...... what a GREAT feeling!

Got another fill...... so I have something to tell!

So, I wasn't feeling good restriction after my second fill. I was sitting at 5cc's, and just feeling peckish.... and found myself grazing through the kitchen way too often... and stalled at 292 - 295. I bounced there for 2 weeks!

So I went for a fill last Tuesday.... and FINALLY, TDS moved (That Damn Scale) I started moving in the right direction.... and then when I had a "problem" and had to take some Milk of Mag for it... I ended up getting a bit dehydrated, and went all the way down to 284.5. Now that I'm 2 days past that, and settling back in re-gaining some water weight.... my scale today said 286.5!

I hit my goal of 288! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's been a LONG time.... over 5 years, and even then, I only spent a few weeks at 288. This time..... I've passed it on my way back down to healthy living!

FFC (Former Fat Chick) sent me some clothes in a size 20..... I've just started getting back into 22/24 clothing, and I thought for fun I would try them on! Albeit, they are tight.... but they fit! They're going to look GREAT on me in a few months!! Thank you Jacquie!!

Me at 340

Before Picture

I realized now that I don't have a "before" picture here on the blog.... so I will post it!

This one is from a while ago.... and my hair is blonde.. which was from Halloween, I was "Mimi Bobek" from the Drew Carey Show that year. But... it has a date and a weight, so we'll take it!

I am going to post a few more.... I used to take these pictures often.. I will get my hubby to take a few this weekend, so I can update :)

65!

I hit a goal without posting it!

I was *going* to post that my new goal was going to be 299...... breaking into Two-Town for the 6th time in the past 10 years. However..... each time I got back into two-town, I could barely stay there! I got down to 269 once in about 2003. I hope to SPANK that one!

ANYWAY...... I am 299.6 today!! As far as my doctor goes, he would say I was down 50 pounds. BUT... I hit 365 this year, which is the weight that I'm counting from..... so I'm down 65 pounds!! YES!

Healthy Choice House Party!

I had a Healthy Choice House Party last weekend, and we had a nice time! I was mailed 10 coupons for a free Healthy Choice meal, and I bought 10 different ones, cooked them up, and had a taste test party!

I had my first fill on September 18th.... I wrote about it on lapbanktalk.com, but I'll share my experience here:

I went and got my first fill today!

I'm jealous that some of you guys get a fill with an x-ray and barium swallow. But, my doctor does so many of these, that his nurse must do 10-20 fills/day, so I must say, she knows what she's doing!

I got a numbing shot (which, IMO, wasn't necessary... my threshold for pain is very high, and I've given myself a million shots in the abdomen when I was taking fertility meds!) and then she put 4cc's in band. I was STUNNED. I totally felt the band squeeze up on my stomach to the point of discomfort! I told her so when it happened, and she backed out 2cc's, and then slowly put in 1.5cc, and then I felt that choking feeling again.... so I ended up only getting 3cc's.

I do have an appointment in 2 weeks for another fill, this time, it will be 2cc's. The doctor said I could come back in yet another 2 week's time, and get another 1-2 cc's if I wanted to.

I asked how much fit in the band, and the nurse said 14cc's, but that about 4 of their patients actually have 16cc's in the band. I cannot fathom having 16cc's when I felt that 4cc's closed my stomach completely!

They gave me one of those little chubby bottles of water (perhaps 8-10 oz) and asked me to drink at least 1/2. If I didn't throw it up, I would be fine with the 3cc's. I drank 3/4 of the bottle, and felt totally FULL. I was just amazed!

Although I haven't been put on any type of food restriction, I've decided to put myself back on liquids for 2 days, and then mushies for 2-3 more before going back to regular foods.

Doctor says I'm exactly 40 pounds down from when I first met him in June. (my number on here reflects my weight lost from my highest weight this year: 265) He told me to say goodbye to them, because I'll never see those 40 pounds again I did tell him that I gained back 5 pounds from my low of 305 (the day I started eating regular food) and he said it was completely normal, and that some people gain a lot more than that.

I'm just thrilled again....... I hope the 3cc's gives me good restriction until my next fill on October 2nd. The doctor said that the 4cc's might not give me good restriction yet.... but then again, I couldn't handle the 4cc's either!

I'm still amazed at all of this, and feel blessed that I was able to have this surgery!

Arts, Beats and Eats

Last weekend, when I was allowed to go back on to "regular" foods, my DH and our BFFs went on our yearly trip to Pontiac, Michigan's "Arts, Beats & Eats" festival.

We all have delicious Gyro's from the restaurant Greektown Tavera. It took me quite a while to eat mine, since I need to chew, chew, chew..... and I do admit to some discomfort afterwards, but nothing horrific. I think it was just my stomach being surprised in getting some MEAT :) Plus, I don't eat lamb all that often. I should eat it more, my husband LOVES it, and although I never had it growing up in my house, I've always appreciated it as well!

Anyway, here's a picture of me and my BFF with an "electric tower." There was a "Green" exhibit, and this guy was a part of an electric company that gets most of it's power from solar panels. Pretty cool! I'd love to cover my home in solar panels..... bet my homeowners association would LOVE that!

Anyway... I'm in bandster hell at this point. I just posted a 57 pound loss, which is true... but I was at 60 pounds lost. I've been bouncing between the same 5 pounds ever since I went on regular foods. I have a fill coming this Friday, and I must say, I'm truly looking forward to it!

I also haven't started any exercise routines.... my cable company (comcast) has a HUGE array of OnDemand fitness programs, and I did do one from "The Biggest Loser" with Bob the trainer, and loved it, so I think perhaps I'll need to peruse those titles, and see if anything tickles my fancy :)

Like the song says........ 'Ol 55

2nd goal achieved!

That's right...... I've met, and surpassed 308!! Today I am 306.8!

Next goal is 299..... for obvious reasons :)

Wow.....

Purple Top!

So, I spoke of this top a week or so ago, and was pleased as punch that it fits again! Because I'm so in love with this top, some of you caught on to my zealousness, and asked for a photo...... with no further adieu.....

New goal

OK...... so I've passed my goal of 318, and I promise, that I will take a picture with that gorgeous purple top of mine, and post it here!! I love that top!

I have to apologize for not being around too much for the last week. It truly has been "......and all that it implies" kind of week! I'm still buried in work from clients that got nervous that I took TWO WHOLE DAYS off. I love owning my own business, and having only myself to answer to, however.... clients still drive the work, and obviously pay for it, so I need to stay accountable to myself, and to them, and I'm still trying to play catch-up with all the work! I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I should be caught up completely by this Friday.

Add to that the boys start school in 13 days. We had to go to the school to get their classroom assignments, since the school decided it couldn't pay all that postage this year. Tightening of the belt! So, we all went to school, and we had to go with friends, and it ended up being a 4 hour adventure, including an hour at the playground, and 1-1/2 hours at our local Tim Hortons, watching the kids pull the wings off of a yellow jacket that got stuck inside the building. Normally, my inner PETA would come out, and say "no" to abuse of yellow jackets. BUT.... both L and M got stung within 10 minutes of being outside one day last week. 10 minutes! No exaggeration! So... I must say, I wasn't feeling particularly guilty about one of their brethren getting accosted by an 8 year old girl, while a gaggle of 9 year old boys cheered her on :)

Back to goals.... My new goal is 308. This number comes via a memory I have of living in our last house, and wanting to get a $1m life insurance policy on myself, in case anything happened. See... my husband is one of those "artists"..... very eccentric, very intelligent, very NOT interested in $$, how it works, why it works, how it magically converts into groceries with the wave of the ATM card, etc. So, in order to assure that I wouldn't have to be raised from the dead in order to KEEP the control I have over the house, I figured $1m could certainly hire a nanny or 10 to come and help him do my job. Plus, he'd be able to leave his job, because in my will, I'd insist on a financial counselor to deal with the $$. ANYWAY..... long story longer... 308 was my weight when they DENIED my insurance. It was a set-back, and I did find a different way to get a different policy, but I still remember that number.... and coming from 362 (actually... a high of 375... I hit it once, and then promptly went back into the 360's) I still want to see that number come...... and GO.

Yesterday I weighed in at 311.2, but today is 312.2, so that is what I am using for my number today. I have lost 49.8 pounds. Almost the big 5 oh!

OK...... have to deal with the boys, they have a friend over, and somehow, 4 boys seems like 10 when they're being... well......... BOYS.

13 days....... Xanax will take me to the finish line :)

So close........

I'm afraid to eat!

OK...... I'm supposed to start mushy food today. I was looking forward to it for FIVE weeks.

And, here I sit. With a protein shake in hand, afraid to eat.

I'm ready to try.... but honestly, I'm scared.

closing in

I haven't weighed today as yet...... but yesterday I clocked in at 319.8. I am currently 1.8 pounds away from goal.

I must admit, I'm having a psychological aspect to this that I wasn't expecting, and I'm mourning my "old self" a bit. Not sure why. I suppose it's where I've been for so long, that anything different is new and unexplored?

When I hop on the scale, and I see my numbers moving down, it's a triumph, but it's bittersweet. I need to get over this melancholia and embrace the new me with all the zeal and gusto that I can muster.

How odd that I am holding on to an unhealthy me. Perhaps it's the "role" that I may miss, rather than the person? By "role"... I mean the person that I made myself become in order to embrace life the way I wanted to. I was the "big girl" no doubt.... but I was also the "go getter" "the determined one" "the strong one" the "leader" I was the advice-giver, the one with both feet planted firmly on the ground, the smart one, the one who had all the answers, the one who didn't hold back, the one who was honest but never hurtful. I was everything to everyone.

I'm thinking I now have to be everything to ME.

small goals

I think I need to set myself small goals along the way of this LB journey of mine, so I can keep my nose to the grindstone for the long term.

I am currently 321.6

My goal is 318

Why 318 is important: I have a beautiful purple top that I bought on ebay. It's from a manufacturer in India. I bought a size 3X, thinking it would fit, and it DIDN'T. I'm not sure what I weighed at the time, probably 340-360, where I've sat for the last 6-7 years. I've dieted down to 298 twice in the past few years, and during that time, I realized that the gorgeous purple top fits me at 318. I wore it to my son's 7th birthday party, and remember exactly how much I weighed that day. So... to wear the purple top again would be wonderful!

Mini-Goal amount to lose: 3.6 pounds!

That's right!

5 days post-op

I must say, I've heard a lot of different descriptions of post-op for Lap Band, including likening it to a c-section.

I had the MOTHA of all c-sections, and I must completely disagree. This Lap Band recovery, thus far, has been a walk in the park! I've been able to burp/toot without any problems.... I'm feeling almost 100% at this point, and just get reminded when I'm sleeping and roll over that my abdomen is still a little sore.

I'm back to work, and able to sit at my desk and do my thing without issue!

AND.... I'm now down 38 pounds! Woot Woot!

38.... and feeling good!

Tomorrow is the big day!

Tomorrow morning, at 6:15am, my mom and I are driving to the big D, and getting checked in for surgery. Check-in is at 7:30, surgery is at 9:30am.

I'm excited.... nervous..... anxious.

All emotions.

I'm looking forward to getting it over with, and on with the recovery, actually!

As soon as I'm able, I'll post :)

34

that's right...... 34!!

32 hours, 37 minutes..... but who's counting?

I leave here on Thursday morning, at 5:00am, to arrive at Harper Hospital at 6am for check-in. My surgery is scheduled for 7:30am. I am the first one slotted for that day, so hopefully, that means, I don't get delayed by other people having surgery that day!!

I'm about a 50/50 mix of excited and nervous. Which only means that everyone I see from now until they put me under anethesia will be hearing me incessantly talking. I'm a nervous talker. But.... thankfully, when I'm that nervous, I also think on my feet, so I'm DAMN funny too. Hey... I have a horn to toot, I'm gonna toot it! :)

I've been scouring over lapbanktalk.com and watching other ppl who are getting banded before me, and seeing how they're doing..... so far only one has reported back. She got banded today, and is back on the computer tonight. A good sign.

I need to go and write the "blanket" e-mail to all my clients that I'm actually taking 4 days off (gasp, choke) which I haven't done since I started this business, in December 2007.

Who wants to bet my desk is going to be PILED high tomorrow, with all those last minute requests??

For those who don't know me...... I'm a graphic designer. I run my own studio, and have a short list of clients that I certainly try to take the utmost care of. Perhaps they're spoiled.... but then again, so am I. I couldn't ask for a better group of people to work with, and they all pay me on time, without question. I've only ever had to "fire" one client since starting up on my own... but being spoiled, and being spoiled rotten are different things. That client called me at 1:00am 10 too many times. And then quibbled about my pricing. And my hours!! Really?? Really??! So, when the big job was over, the next time they called, I said "I'm sorry, I'm so busy, I can't dedicate the time I need to for your project, and I refuse to do anything less than 120% for you..." They were left flabbergasted. They can go back to Elance and get themselves someone who will work for $1.50/hr. :)

Back to ME..... nervous, excited, agitated, frustrated.... and having a general feeling of "let's get this rolling already!".....

BTW.... I need to pre-pay $6,000 for the part my insurance won't cover. My doctor's office took my cc information, do you think they've done it yet? No. Said that they can't get a hold of anyone in the cashiers office at the hospital.

Never in my life have I had such a hard time GIVING someone $6,000.00!

Tomorrow, *I* am going to call the cashier's office at the hospital..... who wants to bet I can get this done within a few minutes tomorrow?

We'll see.

33 Pounds Gone!

32 pounds lost!

I can't claim that I thought of this idea..... but I love it! I am going to put graphic representations of pounds lost here on my blog!!

Today marks 32 pounds lost!!

Catheter results

All is good! The cardiac catheter came back clear as a bell! No blocks, no plaque.

Apparently, it was just my "girls" playing games with the stress test machine. ARGH

1 week until my LapBand/Hiatal Hernia surgery. I'm excited..... but still don't know what my insurance is doing. double ARGH

Stress Test...... Stress

Well, I didn't do very well on my stress test. I need to go and have a catheterization on Tuesday, so that I can get cardiac clearance for surgery.

I also had an endoscope to look for a Hiatal Hernia. Yes... I have one... and the pressure in my esophagus is low... so the doctor will fix the Hiatal Hernia and do the band at the same time!

My surgery date is set: August 6, 2009!

I will do everything I can to re-claim my health.... for myself, and for my children!

Lap-Band Journey begins.....

Although I've already begun this journey, it's time to get it down on "paper" so that I can properly track it!

To get a quick history in:

I'm a mother of triplet boys who were born in 2000. They continue to fascinate, amaze, and frustrate me each and every day!

I've battled my weight my whole life, and though I've managed to live a meaningful life, I see that my struggle with my weight has now been endowed upon 2/3 of the boys. This needs to stop before my problems become theirs.

I am in the midst of getting a Lap-Band to help me deal with this demon once and for all.

I am struggling with an insurance company that covers the procedure completely.... however, NOT for their individual pay customers (as of 1/2009.... and I AM one of these individual pay folks) I am trying to appeal the decision.... but am prepared to self-pay if necessary.

I am hopeful that this surgery will happen on 7/28/2009.